It is a common misconception that only "skinny" people have eating disorders. When i was in treatment there was a compulsive over eater that was considered clinically obese. She was suffering just as much as i was. There were girls that suffered with bulimia that were considered average weight. No matter what weight you are, you can still have an eating disorder. I wish people were more educated about the signs and syptoms of eating disorders so girls can get the help they need before it becomes so bad.
I thank Jenna for telling her story. Someone may never gets to the point where they need to be hospitalized, but this struggle still hurts no matter what the degree is. I hope you and I both can find peace and accept our bodies.
To be truthful and honest...I'm not doing so well. I feel the monster is getting stronger and my head is barely above the water. It's so hard not to cave in.
But in times like these i need to remember what i lost because my eating disorder. I lost my dream and lifetime goal...and i literally lost months of my life. Months i have no recollection of. I lost my youth. My childhood and teenage years were not happy ones. I need to remember my promise that i'd never go back to that dark place.
To answer Angela's question. I've found it better not to say anything regarding weight to someone in recovery. When people would say to me "you look so healthy now", all i could hear in my head was that everyone noticed that i had gained weight. People who struggle with eating disorders have a way of twisting anything you say about weight into something negative.
So there you have it. It's a tricky thing.
Stay Strong. You ARE worth it! Love you!
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this Bekah! I am so grateful to you for creating this blog. I think there is a very scary line between healthy weight goals and scary weight goals. I think that many woman ride this fine line.
ReplyDeleteI have given this much thought this past couple years... as I have gotten to know your story and a couple others as well. I know that I look differently on addressing anyone's weight loss. I think people compliment to freely about diet and weight loss topics. They don't think that possibly this person they're talking to is walking scary lines and all it will take is their compliment to throw them into a scary place.
I know for myself I have made a goal to not casually compliment someone on their weight loss, for many different reasons. 1). What if I am encouraging something scary. 2). What if they gain it back in six months and then have to wonderful what I think of them now... Like you said it is easy to twist things when you are in a fragile state of mind.
Thank you for enlightening my mind and helping me to check myself in this area. You have taught me many things. One of those things, is that you have a big heart, and that the world needs you to be physically strong, because it needs Rebekah in it! Love you sister. Hope I haven't said to much!
Jammie, you've mentioned things I hadn't thought about before. I hadn't ever thought of giving someone a compliment as being risky before, but I completely see what you're saying. Makes sense. I will try to be more careful with that.
ReplyDeleteBekah, everything you have shared hits home with me. In particular, if anyone makes notice of my weight (whether they mention that I simply "look good", or if they ask if I've lost weight, etc.), I have a way of making my world revolve around what others say.
I remember realizing a long time ago that I did/do the same thing with my singing. One night I came home from a fun performance and wrote down ALL of the nice things that people said about my performance, because I honestly felt like they DEFINED ME.
It is really hard for me to take time to value myself without external validation. But I know that it's really important to do that--believe in who I am, and know that who I am is who I was meant to be. Be my best self, and not worry about unimportant imperfections. Right?
I have wanted to write out all of these thoughts I struggle with and have struggled with, just so that I can show that I understand the struggle. It's very real to me.
I also want to say though that it doesn't normally consume me, for which I am really grateful. I think I'm just basically on a pretty crazy roller coaster that often takes me down to depths that I wish I didn't visit so often.
Rebekah, what resources would you recommend for someone like myself who feels like they're just beginning to learn about how to treat and train yourself right? I know Beth recommended the book "Intuitive Eating" (is that right?), and it's on my list of things to read. Maybe now would be a good time for me to find that book. What other things have helped you the most, and have been most significant to you in the times when you feel like you're on the right track?
Intuitive eating is a great book and has helped me a lot. I would start there.
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