When people say that girls(or boys) with eating disorders see a different person in the mirror than others see, they're right. People tell me i'm beautiful and thin, but when i look in the mirror, i see every flaw, every inch of fat that's on me. It stays on my mind CONSTANTLY. What is a struggle for me and a lot of people like me is needing valadation from others. We will feed off the compliments....I need the compliments to feel good about myself. I need constant reassurance that i'm beautiful and thin. And when I don't get that from people i feel like that is proof that i'm not.
I see how this is not logical at all and i know it has to change. I need to stop this way of thinking and stop needing other people to tell me i'm worth something.
I know all this in my head, but it's so hard to change the way i've been thinking for so long.
But it has to stop. I don't want to always need to ask others if i look like i've gained weight, if i'm pretty, if i'm skinny, if i'm good enough, or any other type of question like that. I want to stop wasting my time thinking about my flaws and instead think about ways to improve whats on the inside, because that is what should matter most.
I want to know that i'm worth something without having to hear it from another person.
I'm thankful for your honesty as you write these posts. I think everyone feels that desire for validation from others to some degree, over many different aspects of our lives. It's hard to push those feelings aside.
ReplyDeleteSo, I have a question. Everyone likes and deserves compliments. They are nice things, right? In relation to eating disorders, for me it is sometimes hard to know what kind of compliment to give. For example, If someone were to tell you that you are beautiful and skinny, would that "feed" the part of you that is working to know how beautiful you really are and is stiving to overcome self destructive thoughts? OR would it do the opposite and "feed" those self destructive thoughts? Or would it be a little of both? Maybe the answer will be a post for another day. It's just something I was thinking about.
Again, I want to tell you how glad I am that you have started this blog. Love you!!
Beautiful post. I hope you don't mind if I comment. You can go to my blog and see who I am as you do know me. I hope you find that which you are seeking. Don't give up.
ReplyDelete